she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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