I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
