I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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