Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
