wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
