just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
