Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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