It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
