I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she smelled like a LAN party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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