my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You pole danced in your parka.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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