After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
