I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
