I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
