I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
