I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
