I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
