If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
