It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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