Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
