i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
