david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
