once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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