It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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