sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize