is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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