Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
