tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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