I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm having to shit out rocks
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