I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize