I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
