i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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