i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
