Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
