im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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