Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Randomize
