We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
