Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
