sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if only i could text you this smell
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
soo... how was my night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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