mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
