I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
