Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
