id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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