Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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