Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
