so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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