god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
