One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
