Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
