So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bring money and cleavage
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
