Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
