My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hippo gnu deer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
