his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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