he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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