What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
