bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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