my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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