I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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