if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
