i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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