Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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