the condom got lost in my hair
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
