she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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