just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
