I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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