I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
