my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
