My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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