We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
