She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
