Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
